Before I discuss the effects of stress, I want to
emphasize the strength of the mind-body
connection. Not with touchy / feely abstract testimonies (even
though there is some interesting literature outside the realms of
hard science); but with objective, scientifically-proven
facts. First of all, it's easy to forget that the brain is an
organ in our body made up of muscles, cells, tissues, neurons,
etc., just like other organs in the body such as the heart,
pancreas, and liver. The brain is dependent on blood flow,
nutrients, and other physical mechanisms to work efficiently and
stay healthy. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that if we don't
treat our bodies well, our "mind", or brain, suffers
too; likewise, if our mind is stressed and anxious, the symptoms
may show up elsewhere. There is truly no physiological separation
between our brains and the rest of our bodies - it is all one
system trying to work together in harmony.
To push this thought a little further, I need for you to cooperate with me for just a minute. I need you to use your imagination and follow these directives. Imagine that you are holding a lemon. You cut it in half. Now you bring the lemon up to your mouth and take a big bite into it.... Next, I want you to imagine that you have some aluminum foil in your hand. You ball it up and, putting it in your mouth where you have filling, you bite down hard on it.... Last, I want you to imagine that you are standing next to a blackboard. Raise both hands up and rake them down, just as it you were raking your fingernails down a blackboard....
Did you have any reactions do any or all of these exercises? If you are like most of my groups, most likely you did. You may have salivated, shuddered, grimaced, felt a shiver, or felt a flutter in your stomach. Let's look at what happened. Your body responded to an imaginary act; you had a physical reaction to a thought. This was in response to a bunch of nonsense that had no real significance or meaning to you. Now, I would like for you to consider the possible physical reactions/responses that your body has to strong, emotional stress or anxieties; to important, significant events and feelings in your life. Think about the effects that long-term stress can have. This does work the opposite way too, by the way. Take being in love - certainly not something concrete, but an abstract that we create in our minds. This state of emotion causes actual changes in hormones that can be measured in the bloodstream; it can create actual rushes of endorphins throughout our bodies. We know that positive thoughts can have beneficial effects on our health. (I'll discuss positive thoughts in more detail in a little bit.)
People tend to respond to stress in one of four ways:
Which way(s) do you identify with the best? It is important to understand how we respond to stress, so that we can recognize immediately when our stress levels have gone up and before they spiral up out of control. This allows us to consciously decide to use a coping skill to prevent any further negative effects.
Bodily reactions to stress are due to the fight or flight response of the body, are manifested in virtually every organ and body part, and vary greatly in format and intensity from person to person. We all know that one person's stressor may be another's pleasure. I'll discuss this phenomenon later. The end result of unmanaged stress for anyone, however, is the weakening, and eventual breakdown, of the body's immune system; allowing the body to succumb to health problems and diseases, like more colds and flu's, heart disease, cancer, hypertension, etc. The goal of stress management is not so much to avoid or prevent stress - impossible in many cases - but to have strong and varied coping skills to lessen the effects of stress and to manage it better.
Before I get into the different kinds of coping skills, I think it's important to discuss the different sources of stress. I know some of very obvious, but others are less so, and should be identified. These sources include life changes, major crises, hassles, negative thinking, control issues, lack of social support, and poor health habits. As I present each one briefly, try and honestly reflect upon which sources contribute to your stress level.
Life Changes: In the 1950's, Holmes and Rahe presented research that showed a strong correlation between life changes and the increased risk of illness. Their work was based on the premise (which is readily accepted now) that any kind of change - even positive change - is stressful on the body, reduces the effectiveness of the immune system, and increases risk of illness in the following year. It shouldn't surprise you that they found that the more significant the change and/or the more changes a person experienced, the greater their chances were of becoming sick. Changes they cite include: divorce, marriage, job change or promotion, a move, a death of a loved one, pregnancy and a new baby, a vacation, change in finances, change in personal habits, holidays; basically any change or adjustment in one's life.
So what does this mean in terms of managing stress? That we should avoid change? Of course not, that would be impractical; besides; change can be very healthy for us. But we need to be aware of the stressful effects that any major change has upon us. If we choose to make a change or know that one is coming, we can plan on incorporating our coping skills and being more aware of high stress warning signs. If a change is forced upon us, we can be gentle and understanding of ourselves and others, knowing that stress levels will rise. If we have made some recent major changes, we may want to delay making any more until we have marshaled our energies. And if we are very stressed in a point of our life, we may not want to make any major changes, unless we foresee that this change may help us reduce our stress. So, when attempting to make your behavior change, keep in mind that even though it is healthy change, it will also create some stress in your life.
Major Crises: Unfortunately, there are times in our lives when a catastrophic event totally takes the wind out of our sails. A death, a divorce, a job loss, a bankruptcy..... whatever the crisis, it goes way beyond merely being stressed out. When this occurs, we should not be expected to bounce back immediately. We need the time to grieve, to accept our loss, to learn to cope with it, and then move on. There are coping skills that can be used. In order to boost your immune system, it is also vitally important to take care of your body in terms of rest, food, and exercise. Beyond that, time is the true healer.
Sometimes we feel such acute and lasting pain as a result from a crisis that we need additional support. You may be the independent, strong type, who never asks for help. The mark of a truly strong person is the ability to realize that outside help is needed and to ask for it. Family and friends who care about you can assist you in your coping process by just being there for you. Written or taped resources can help us understand or deal with our situation better. One good resource is the book, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People". Outside support such as professional counseling and support groups are resources which should be considered as well. To get a referral, call your local hospital, community organization, or check with the office of your physician or religious affiliation.
Hassles: In terms of everyday stress, it's not the big stuff that usually gets to us; it's the little stuff. The light that turns red, the person who is impossibly slow in front of you at the check-out line, the colleague who gets on your nerves, the rain that falls on the weekend.... There's an old saying: It's not the mountains ahead that halts your progress, but the little grain of sand in your shoe. By learning to ignore the little stuff, we can concentrate on significant problems and priorities in our lives.
So how do we learn to ignore the little stuff; to not let it get to us? The first step is to acknowledge that it is little. It's easier to do this in hindsight at first. (I know it's a pain at first to keep a log, but I've never had a client/student yet to do this and not benefit from some insights!) After you've gotten stressed, angry, or anxious, jot down what happened and what caused you to feel this way. At the end of the week, make a list of all the events that stressed you out. Analyze each one; try and put things into perspective. Was it really that big of a deal? Was it a crisis? Was it life-changing? If not, mark it as a hassle.
Now that we have realized which stressors are simply hassles, we have started to cut our stressors down to size. Next, comes the tough part; trying to catch ourselves before we get all worked up; to recognize that the stressor is truly just a hassle and nothing more. Another angle is to prioritize where you want to give your energy. We don't have limitless amounts of energy, and we would all probably agree that our thoughts and energy are valuable resources. So, the next time you start fuming about a little thing, or hassle, ask yourself these questions: do I really want to spend my valuable resources on this insignificant event? Is it really worth this much energy? Chances are that you will decide that it is not. Besides, when you let a person or event get to you, you have just given them the control over your thoughts and feelings. So the next time you say: " really stressed me out today/made me mad/ticked me off", talk back to yourself and say: "Actually, I chose to get upset/stressed/angry over that situation.... Was it worth it? Do I really want to give that person/event that much power over me?"
Negative Thinking: Even by playing devil's advocate, I cannot think of a single positive thing to say about pervasive negative thinking! It leads to pessimism, extreme cynicism, self-fulfilling prophecies, social alienation, increased stress levels, and actual physiological changes for the worse - such as a depressed immune system. In general, negative thinking makes one unhappy and unpopular. Now this isn't to say that we have to be cheerful Pollyanna all the time; but having recurrent negative thoughts is a self-destructive habit that is important to try and change.
There are two well-developed philosophical approaches to changing this habit that both work. It will be important, however, to try and identify the approach that suits your personality and belief system the best. The two approaches are cognitive restructuring and the Zen meditation approach.
Cognitive restructuring is a technique which is widely used by clinical psychologists and counselors. It is an objective, systematic way of changing your thoughts from negative ones to more positive ones. It involves learning to identify your negative thoughts and cognitive errors, such as over-generalization, all-or-nothing thinking, or selective abstraction. You then learn to identify and substitute more positive / realistic thoughts with which to replace them. After much practice, you learn to catch yourself before the negative thought crystallizes; gradually leading to a more positive outlook on life. Albert Ellis and Emory Beck did much of the pioneering work with this approach; however, the most user-friendly resource that I am aware of is David Burns' Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.
The Zen approach is a more mystical one, which is based on the Buddhist philosophy and on meditation techniques. In short, it encourages / teaches one to really stop and feel the negative feelings - pain, hurt, anger, etc.- and then to let them go. The premise is that only by getting in touch with our true feelings can we divorce ourselves from their destructive potential. The approach also encourages constant and true appreciation of the present situation and circumstances; discouraging obsessive thoughts about the past or wishful plans for the future. Again, after much practice, one is able to have a more serene, accepting, and positive outlook on life.
Control Issues: How about taking a little quiz first to determine where your locus of control lies? This concept originated with the work of Julian Roberts. There is no right or wrong response, just a determination about your beliefs surrounding control. Circle either statement A or statement B in each pair of statements, according to which one is closest to your beliefs. You must choose one or the other in each pair of statements.
Statement A: Promotions are earned by hard work.
Statement B: Promotions are the result of being in the right place at the right time.
Statement A: Meeting someone to love depends on going out and meeting many people.
Statement B: Meeting someone to love is a matter of luck.
Statement A: Those skilled at sports work hard at learning those skills.
Statement B: Being skilled at sports depends on being born well coordinated.
Statement A: Whether you are happy or not depends on you.
Statement B: Family, friends, job, and finances have a great deal of influence over one's happiness.
Did you choose more A's or more B's? Most likely, you found a pattern concerning your beliefs about where the control in your life lies. If you tended toward A responses, you have an internal locus of control. This simply means you feel that you are in control of your destiny and fate. You don't believe much in luck or predestination; rather your actions determine your life course. If you tended toward the B responses, you have an external locus of control. This means that you feel outside events and people have more control over your life than you do. You probably believe in luck, fate, and/or predestination; these external forces determine your life course.
Again, there is no right or wrong way of looking at control; however, our locus of control can have a great deal of impact on our stress levels. Why do you think those with a strong external locus of control would have increased stress? Well, you're right if you said the perceived lack of control would cause stress. Researchers have discovered that animals and humans alike have elevated anxiety and stress, accompanied with a greater risk of illness, when control over their actions and life is taken away. It is stressful to feel that we can have no control over our destiny (the exception being a true Passivist who calmly accepts anything).
Why do you think those with a strong internal locus of control might feel more stress? Well, it's because they feel they should be able to control anything and everything - including that red light or slow person - which you logically know is impossible. When we attempt to control the uncontrollable, or fume that we can't, our stress levels greatly increase. Strong locus of control orientation oftentimes corresponds with a "Type A" personality, about which you have probably heard.
What do we do about our locus of control? Determine if you have an internal or external locus of control. Now rate yourself from 1 to 10, with 10 being the strongest possible orientation in that direction. If you gave yourself a 7 to 10 rating in either category, you may want to check out your perspective to see if it is realistic. I would encourage you to use one of the two methods discussed above in the negative thinking discussion to modify your views. You may not have true "negative" thinking; however, your pervasive thought patterns about the control in your life may be adding needlessly to your stress levels.
Wasn't it Freud that concluded that sex and power issues drove all of our actions? He/she who has control has power...or so we tend to think. Why is being in control so important to us? Perhaps it's because we feel we can protect our vulnerabilities more easily, or pretend they don't exist. Nevertheless, control issues can play havoc with our stress levels; either by someone trying to control us, or by us trying to control situations and others.
It's actually easier to deal with others trying to control you. Openly and honestly address your frustrations, and express your concerns with the individual. Outside counseling can assist with a personal relationship, like a significant other or family member. If it is a work situation and airing your concerns to your boss or boss's boss doesn't improve the situation, either learn to live with it (see "hassles" above for tips), or look for another job. I know that sounds too pat, but if someone is making you miserable, is your job worth your peace of mind?
Is it you who tries to control every situation and others? Can you wear the shoe if it fits? If you know you have a Type A personality, or identified yourself as having a strong internal locus of control, chances are you might be just a little bit of a control freak. (If more than one close person tells me the same thing about myself, be it negative or positive, I generally accept it as a character trait.) If so, you won't believe how good it will feel, how relieved you will be, when you give up some of that control, or give up the need to control everything. If you really stop and think about it, trying to control other people or events is a huge burden, disappointing, and frustrating - and it usually cannot be done. We can influence people and events, but we cannot control them with emotionally healthy results.
Keep a log of every time you catch yourself trying to control a situation or person, or feeling stressed / frustrated when you can't. Beside each one, jot down whether or not it was a situation where you should have been trying to control it. Try and determine if a pattern emerges. Does the same situation or person spark this unreasonable urge? Is it when you're feeling a certain way? Identifying the triggers or cues will help you to become more aware of this behavior in order to modify it. Make a joke about it with your close friends or family; invite them to point out when you are doing it - believe me, they will enjoy pointing it out! It will take a little time and practice, but soon you will be catching yourself in the act, and gratefully relinquishing the need to control the situation.
There is a serenity prayer used in AA-type support meetings, which is very applicable to this control issue as it relates to stress management. It is:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Lack of Social Support: In his book, The Health Effects of Attitudes, Emotions, Relationships, Brent Hafen et al. states: Having good relationships with other people seems to help us resist infection. It seems to help protect us against disease. It helps protect us against stress, and it makes us healthier physically and mentally. It can even help us live longer. Truly, as the poets tell us, "no man is an island." Only by surrounding ourselves and becoming involved with others can we live the longest, healthiest, happiest life possible.
Trying to manage life and cope in this world without a strong support system greatly increases our stress level. Conversely, having a social support system and, more importantly, using it is critical to stress management. In one study, researchers gave a group of college women some stressful tasks to accomplish, monitoring their blood pressure and other stress responses. They found that the women who had brought friends in to help them, showed far less stress responses than did those working alone.
This is a tough change to make in your life if you have established patterns of being independent or being a loner, but it can be done. The trick is to force yourself to take some actions and steps that will be uncomfortable for you at first. Making new friends and re-establishing old contacts takes work - it doesn't just happen by willing it. It involves being socially active - doing volunteer work, starting a new hobby, taking a workshop or class, joining a community social club, going to support group meeting, initiating get-togethers and activities, going to church / temple, making a real effort to get involved. The opportunities are out there; you have to make them happen.
If you find that you are having some real trouble in this area, I urge you to seek professional counseling. Human warmth and contact is not only helpful to our stress management, it is almost critical for health and happiness.
Poor Health Habits: If you are finding that you are having trouble dealing with everyday stress, or that you seem to be more susceptible to stress than others, check out your physical health habits. Lack of proper sleep, good nutrition, adequate activity, abuse of caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and other drugs, or other poor health habits can greatly increase stress levels or weaken the body's immune system and its ability to deal with stress. Exercise, in particular, is a wonderful way to deal with stress due to the physiological effects from stress that is helps eliminate. I'm sure you have a good sense how you stand in this area. There have been cases where stressed out individuals felt immediate relief once they started taking care of their bodies.
Donald Tubesing, a noted practitioner in the stress management field, claims that six things are the cause of our everyday stress:
What is encouraging about this information is that all these factors are within our control to modify or change. It does take effort; it does take practice to change these habits and develop new ones; but I think you'll find that your energy will be well worth the results.
The rest of this document presents you with a variety of coping skills you may elect to adopt. Choose the one(s) that you feel are good, practical choices for your situation, personality, and lifestyle.
Coping Skills:
Note: Life is just too short and too precious to waste our energy on insignificant matters. Concentrate on 'being' rather than just on 'achieving'. Experience life, even the downs; don't wish it away. Stress will always be part of our lives; however, with practice, we can make it a much smaller part.
[_private/navbar6.htm]
